Amy Hempel in the 90s
Reasons to Live is Hempel's best book, oblique, difficult in a way, and each of her stories is absolutely about something that matters. And "In the Cemetery Where Al Jolson is Buried" remains her most popular and anthologized story.
That surprises me because it's such a 90s story--the protagonist looking inward after doing something awful. In our current stories, protagonists tend to look inward only when someone else does something awful.
The central character in "Al Jolson" has abandoned her friend who is dying of cancer--it's hard to descend any lower in the category of friend. But she was too terrified of death to go to the hospital until now. Now she feels ready to face it, everything--death, and her friend she abandoned. She might be ready.
“It is just possible I will say I stayed the night. And who is there that can say that I did not?”
What follows is escape and exhilaration, failure, loss, and regret--and an exploration of her many calamitous fears, as she seeks to understand the depth of her suffering and betrayal.

Amy Hempel was my terrific teacher at the New School in New York City when I went there briefly in the late 90s. She had modeled for Italian Vogue. She talked about Gordon all the time. Gordon feels this way, Gordon doesn't care for that.
The great editor and teacher, Gordon Lish, had to make any genius he encountered his "creature," like he did with Carver, rewriting stories till they were his own. He rewrote Amy's stories as well. She, too, was Gordon's creature. He had creatures all over the place.
I was telling Amy about the slight, social novels we were forced to read in our seminar. "Oh my God, Gordon hates those books. Why are you reading those?"
But this woman who seemed to consult Gordon on every issue was one of the most original writers around. She was friends with Mark Richard, Tom Waits, Francine Prose, and other famous people in NYC, not just Gordon.
What a lovely presence she was in class, her voice shaking now and then, her cheeks blushing. Once, she told us something Tom Waits had said: "When I compose at the piano, these hands are like a pair of old dogs, going to all the places they've been before."
She often dressed in slacks and a blouse, conservative outfits. In the office was a photo of her on the board, with the caption "Got Milk?" tacked there.
I liked seeing her shyness. It was one of the things that made me think that I could keep on writing. Amy seemed innocent but her stories were not. They were weighted with experience and personal knowledge that she preferred not to discuss too often, and they were her own stories. Few writers had such an unmistakable style.
Mad, Bad, and Dangerous to Know
It's amusing to me that in Eugene I have become seen as mad, bad, and dangerous to know. I stand by my behavior of asking people out a few times over five years. I got asked out once recently. It seemed like a natural and good thing.
The trouble was that, years ago, one thirtyish woman said no. I'm fine with no. But her "no" gave the perception that she had denied some terrible rake who would keep asking her out, manipulating her, wearing her down, gaslighting her.
Absolutely not me. Chasing someone who doesn't like me is not fun at all. Only consensual agreement is enjoyable, and a straightforward "no" is a gift--closed, done, adios.
It's hard to defend yourself against perceptions. It was like living in Boise when the Christian librarians counseled my then-wife to be wary of me because I was seen going into a bar before noon. But it was easy to laugh it off in a religious town.
It's harder to rebel against an ideology that most people share, in a town like Eugene. Once, at the library three years ago, I was with my son, who looked like a girl then. Some of the librarians were alarmed and security followed us out. I'm a man, so the assumption, at first, was that I was trafficking an eight-year-old girl, I guess! That's what all of us men do. We're all traffickers, abusers.
I was reluctant to help a young woman with cerebral palsy the other day. She needed to charge her phone. We approached a couple of counters. I assumed some would think I was trying to drag her away to take advantage of her weaknesses.
Not that I'm some March of Dimes hero. I just happened to think she was a cool person.
That's the twisted thing about public religion or ideology. You're not looking at people, but at pre-formed designations. We ought to rebel against any oppressive organization like Boise and Eugene public libraries. Near total conformity of belief under one public roof is always a bad sign. MAGA and Woke are killers to creative, independent thought. I don't see much of a difference.
As Obama said, "This idea of purity and you're never compromised and you're always politically woke, and all that stuff — you should get over that quickly."
I've been lucky to make friends with library management, all feminists, who don't see me that way.
Nor am I trying to be someone I'm not. If I want to find a Henry Miller biography, I'll ask for it.
But those who know me know that Virginia Woolf and Hemingway are my two top writers. I believe contradiction is the way to go, and some will appreciate that, and some won't. At the same time, I hope a few people see me as a person of good will.